In about 23 hours....

That is how close I am to getting on the plane for my 3 weeks holiday in Malaysia. It was 3 days to go on Wednesday and now, it's only 23 hours to go! Hubby has even checked us in! The feeling of dread is getting stronger as the clock ticks closer to departure time. If it's already so strong now, I have no idea and do not want to imagine how it will be when I get to Singapore/JB. Hubby is displaying, not sure if on purpose, more and more signs of idolising his mother. It's like he's trying to tell me "bitch, my mum is the most important person in my whole life. stand aside. you're no where near, not even close. you're not even comparable to the rest of my family" Honestly, he's been doing and saying stuff which are not that subtle to hint to me that fact! Man, this trip is gonna be agonising! Time in JB WILL pass very very slllloooowwwwllllyyyy indeed....

Now I really can truly grasp the meaning of "once beaten twice shy" It was just ONE bad trip in December last year and I believe it has scarred me for life. At least I know I am right now! What if we really do have to move back to Malaysia? Wow....I can't imgaine. I'll end up living in fear every other weekend when we return to JB, IF we're not based in JB. Otherwise, it's a daily nightmare! I have decided to stay back in BP after grandma's birthday till 17th or 18th (have not decided) while hubby returns to JB to meet whoever he wants and do whatever he needs to do. I think it's better that way - the number of days between 14th and 18th is the longest in JB if I were to follow him back. So it's better to avoid problems and issues to the already delicate marriage than to add more reason to end the union to it. I wanna just come back to Nairobi happy. I only want happy memories to this trip instead of spoiling it like the last. Bad memories over shadowed our wedding. How bad is that???

I also have to learn to trust hubby more by letting him go off alone. So I guess by staying back in BP will be a good training. It'll also be a good opportunity to gain back some of "me" time which I have lost for so long. It's been more than a year now since I last had any "me" time - time for me without hubby. I'm sure he'll welcome this break too. Marriage doesn't mean you have to be with each other ALL the time. And by not wanting to be in each other's presence all the time doesn't mean there's a crack in the relationship. In fact, it's healthier that way. Too much time with each other and too much stickiness will actually kill the relationship.

Oh well, wish me luck!!! It's only 3 weeks right??? It's a short time, time will fly right? Before I know it, it's time to hop on the plane again right? Right......patience, tolerance....patience, tolerance........man this is soooo hard!!!! Will write again real soon - I'll try but don't expect much!!! Most likely my next post will be when I return to Nairobi.